You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
whose parrot is this?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
