apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
