oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
