my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What a dumb baby whore.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
