Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
