You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
