At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
