At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
im on a boat
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