She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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