Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
