i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
