i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
