he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
