All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
