I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize