i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
