Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
