Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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