My sheets look like a crime scene.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
