Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
