Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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