What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im holly from the hills drunk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize