Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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