My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
