Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
