May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
