dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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