Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
