And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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