If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
