I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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