sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
