If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
