My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i think i just lost a toe
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