I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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