hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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