my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
