I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
