This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
