i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
