i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
