He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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