My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
