I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
