I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
