I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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