Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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