Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
