what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You took a bar mat shot.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When are your genitals available?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
