all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
