Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
