Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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