I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
