anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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