Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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