there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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