Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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