there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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