the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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