He disabled his match.com account in front of me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
