I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
