he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
