worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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