Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
