biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
