I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize