Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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