I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize