Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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