i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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