I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
