I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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