Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
