best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I deserve this hangover.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
