I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
