i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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