Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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