Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
