It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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