My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
