I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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