Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
