Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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