i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
