It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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