maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
