in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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