oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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