So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
