Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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