The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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