I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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