So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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