when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
