My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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